I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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