i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I want to have your abortion
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
