Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
