pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
My underwear smells like fireworks.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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