So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
