yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
