so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
