Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
