i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
