did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
and eventually we just all took our pants off
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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