and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
