My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
