Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
