If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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