I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize