haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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