So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
