drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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