I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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