I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
