I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
