Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
