Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
