May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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