someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize