Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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