I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
