Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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