new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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