Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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