remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
