Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
