everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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