Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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