Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
