I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
