I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
