Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
