you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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