You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
