tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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