Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
