Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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