i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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