I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
