We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
