This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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