she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize