I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
