Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
