well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
