she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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