u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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