i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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