I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
