Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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