I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
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