i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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