Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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