she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Randomize
