Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
