i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
