i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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