he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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