its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
