What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
