i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize