dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I pour the whiskey from now on
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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