as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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