My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
