someone threw a dead crab at me
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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