You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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