one might say we're banned from that church
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
