I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
