Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
