You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
