I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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