making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
