So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
