Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
