I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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