You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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