I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I deserve this hangover.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
