The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
