if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize