watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
