So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
