i think i have herpe
just one?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Randomize
