I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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