Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
