i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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